Hey everyone, again i been away for a while. It’s been everything really: migraines and pain on one side and a broken heart on another. I did try to make it work with my ex and for us to move on from both our mistakes in the past.
I’m not wanting to talk to much about it and I don’t want to talk badly about anyone because when it doesn’t work in a relationship its always two sides to the story. But I think i’m a to nice person. I give people hundreds of chances and I believe their words of changing even though they told me the same things multiple times. In the end I feel like even if I was mistreated I was enabling the behavior to continue because I never stood up for myself or my own worth.
I was also scared of being alone. With me being in pain I can’t take a backlash or something to emotional to well. It stresses me out and having a broken heart and physical pain isn’t optimal. But sometimes I have to look at me and the future too. I felt like I was okey with all his behavior if he only stood by me when I truly needed him; like when I was in pain and just wanted to hear his voice, tell me it would be all okey. But he stopped answering my calls.
Long distance relationships are hard and it been harder for me considering he lived here for 3 years and we only recently split. So to try but on a distance when I’m used to him always being around felt hard.
I was of course not an angel all the time and could be very accusing and hard on him when he broke his promises. But a relationship should be a two way street and it felt very one sided with me saying sorry a lot even though I wasn’t the bad guy most of the time.
So this week I been trying to take care of myself and thinking about me. I also sent all his things back even if it cost me a lot of money. This way I feel like I have really truly ended it here and I can start a real life for myself.
Some people need a couple of times to learn, I seem to need to get hurt 100 times before I realize it’s not going to work out. I’m to tired to try with this one person again. I haven’t heard much from him since I broke it off. Which kinda of makes me sad because it kinda feels like he might not care. But I know at the same time he isn’t a heartless person but he don’t like sharing his emotions with others.
I just never understood that when I asked him to talk to me, not ignore my calls for days, just be around when it suited him and just be around more; he decided that I seemed upset so leaving me to cool down for a couple more days alone was a good idea. Me wanting to break up (when it ofc isn’t what i truly wants considering i still love him but my head says something else at this point) he is nowhere to be found.
He was suppose to come visit me these weeks, he was suppose to be here. I’m not blaming him but did he never listen when I cried out, wanting him by my side?
This heart break have massively effected my creativity. I can’t draw nor can I come up with romantic erotica novels to write. Dumping the love of your life doesn’t really give you inspiration.
I hope I feel better soon and can start living the life I want for myself. I also hope I can start working again daily so I don’t have to walk around at home staring at my phone, waiting for something I know won’t come or change a thing.
Sorry for this emotional babbling, I needed to write it off my chest for now.
/Elin
Elin's Era 
The pain comes in handy after every breakup you never saw coming. It is even more excruciating when you realize that you’ve tries to fix this brokenness too often but it always ripped from another angle which makes you wonder what you didn’t do right of could have done right. I felt this devastation when I broke up with my ex in 2017. I couldn’t believe it was happening so I spent all of my 2018, going on and off with him, trying to fill the loopholes because I didn’t want to take a no for an answer. Looking back now, that was the lowest I’ve ever felt yet. You’ll gradually get him off your chest but you just have to heal from the hurt first because only then can you make decisions of completely ousting him in its entirety. Sending you hugs💕
LikeLike
Sometimes your heart just dont want to realize what your mind already knows. I mean I know whats logic, I know what others say abouth my pathetic tries….but my heart seem to scream louder than that sometimes. Love truly makes you blind.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Love truly messes one up but in between the mess, there’s one thing that always keeps us going, to return to ourselves from the mess that has been made.
LikeLiked by 1 person
true. just so hard right now with my chronic illness and now this. I wish i could sleep for a year and when i woke up evdrythibg would be fine
LikeLike
You’ll be fine ❤
LikeLiked by 1 person
You’re strong, and that’s the whole point. In many ways, I like the vibe I get from you, and honestly would love to know you more.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you so much., I myself consider myself being weak and a cry baby. But I guess going through some stuff do make us rather strong in a sense ^^ I try my best, what else can we do 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
You know, I was reading your blog because it baffles me to know how many different stories people have across the globe; and how limited our lives are. And to read what you’re going through and to see you refuse to give up is a different sort of inspiration altogether…Never stop : )
LikeLiked by 3 people
🌷🙏💕
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sorry you having such a rough time, hopefully it will get better soon 😔. Even if you feel heartbroken and sad now I think you made the right choice this time. You need your strength for yourself now. I hope and believe when you start your new job it will feel a bit better, a fresh start and so. Please continue to uppdate the blog when you feel ok doing so, not because of any other persons expectation. Hugs! 💕💕💕
LikeLiked by 2 people
I understand how much it sucks to feel the relationship-related things you’re feeling. (I can’t say the same about the physical pain which sounds awful too.) At different points in my life when I’ve been in similar situations, I wanted answers, be that through books or finding likeminded people. I realize one can never have a complete answer though but at least have an answer that’s good enough. I’m including links below that you might find as helpful as I did; however, my sharing them is in no way trying to label you as anything other than someone looking for meaning.
https://www.attachedthebook.com/wordpress/
http://www.coda-se.se/
https://www.slaa.se/
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m sorry to read of your break up and the heartbreak it is bringing you. Take care, put yourself first.
LikeLiked by 2 people
Stay strong hunni. Xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
My heart goes out to you. You sound like you’ve made the most positive choice for yourself. You will get over this then start to move forward.
LikeLiked by 1 person
relationships are hard! hope you feel better soon. not nice dealing with a break up. when you are used to being single I think you will find some inspiration to keep up with the writing and other hobbies
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sewing the wounds of betrayal but your memories left the stains.
The dagger may come out but the scars will remain.
LikeLiked by 1 person
yeah
sadly
LikeLike
This blog well describes the phase you went through the same I experienced once. I hope you have recovered out of it by now.
LikeLiked by 1 person